without a compass

Sometimes I feel like
I am walking the Earth
Following a map that I
Cannot read
The directions are right in front of me
But nothing makes any sense
I’ve done everything that I was supposed to do
Up until this point
But as I watched her leave this earth
Right before my eyes
I knew that I was changed
The plan
Doesn’t seem like much of a plan anymore
What I thought really mattered
I figured out can take a back seat
My heart
Is my heart again
No longer hoping that my feelings
Will become his feelings
What will be will be
But sometimes I just feel so lost
No longer sure of where I belong

wait

Smelling your familiar scent
I began to get to get nervous
Unsure of myself
It’s been so long
You touch me there
In that spot
That has your name written on it
I shiver
Can’t remember the last time
That I’ve felt this way
Wanted it
This way
Your hands are all
I can think about
Sensing my nervousness
You pull me closer to you
I tell you
How long it has been
You kiss me
Telling every inch of my body
That it was going to be okay
You gently take the lead
Fingers…
Tongue….
I begin to get them confused
As they start to leave their mark
I try to remember
What I was I wearing
But then
Other things take over my
mind
My body hungry
My neck hot
My breasts swelling
Queenie throbbing
My head is saying that I should
Be playing hard to get
My heart is saying
This is right
And my body
Is hoping that you don’t stop
You ask me to open my eyes
and I see you staring at me
and then I know
That it’s been worth the wait

XXVI

I’m 26
DANG
I spent my 26th birthday
The way that I spent my 16th
On a beach in Nassau, Bahamas
One of my favorite places in the world
Not because of the weather
Because it’s the same as home
But because
It is truly special
It brought me out of a funk when I was 16
Helped with a broken heart when I was 20
Allowed me to find my laugh again at 25
And reminded me to count my blessings everyday
At 26
I’m 26
WOW
The last half of 25 was a whirl wind
I was on hand to experience history
I cried and I laughed
I lost and I gained
I was let down and disappointed
I excelled
I tiptoed around falling in love again
I hurt someone
And I got hurt
Re-found confidence and security after leaving
Them on a park bench for a brief moment
I wonder how 26 is going to start
26
SERIOUSLY I’m 26
I have decided to hold on to my realism
Mixed with optimism and fantasy
For at least one more year
I’m positive that the older I get
The better I get
I’m going to keep my heart open
Despite the caution tape that’s in front of me
Embrace what makes me
Patience
I’ll treasure every moment
And capture every dream
That 26 brings