perfection.

I wish that you weren’t so understanding
So patient
And that you didn’t mind waiting for me
Until I made up my mind
Get frustrated
Show me what I am missing out on
Make me decide
Don’t allow me to be greedy
You shouldn’t have to share
I wish that you would just let me go
Because even if things don’t end up in my favor
That doesn’t mean that they’ll end up in yours either
When will you get tired
Of waiting for me to wake up
I don’t know when I’ll snap out of it
Or if I ever will
Make me choose
Tell me that I’ll regret my decision
Stop making being okay with what I give you
Demand all of me
Make this easier for
Me

remember that time?

When I got there tonight
All I could do was laugh
And remember our first time there
Those were good times
Fun times
Before the novelty wore off
I didn’t order what I really wanted
Because even after all of that time
You still made me nervous
And I was trying to impress
I remember that I wanted to sit next to you
And was annoyed with the table the waitress gave us
But mad at myself for saying that our seats were okay
I remember what I wore
And what was on the radio that day

I tried to get you to sing...

*smile*

back at start

Preparing to go out
And give another one a chance
Feeling guilty because I know the truth
He’ll end up like the others
Left with unfulfilled promises
Of returned phone calls
And second outings
Despite my many attempts not to
Stand him up next to you
I’ll try to erase you for the evening
Remembering why I am there in the first place
I’ll stare at him while he talks
Studying his face
And ask myself if I could see myself kissing him
Laugh at his jokes
And try not to make a face while he tries to impress me
With things that he knows absolutely nothing about
Wondering if I could enjoy him in silence
And if I’ll fit under his arm
And when he asks me where my mind is
I’ll lie and tell him I’m thinking
About how good of a time that I am having
I’ll try not to make it obvious
That I don’t want him touching my braids
And pretend that I don’t mind him holding my hand
I’ll keep reminding myself
Where I stand
And that I have to move on
Try to let go
But still
The buzz will only last for the night
And tomorrow I’ll be back
Where I started

too much

Afraid
Care about him too much
Worry about him too much
Wait
Look for him too much
Hold my breath too much
Hopeful
Dream about him too much
Fantasize about him too much
Write about him too much
Confused
Too much uncertainty
Dealing with alternatives too much
Don’t know where I fit
It’s just too much

you, me, and him

You have become me
And I him
You’d think I’d be better at this
Because I when I look at you
I see myself
Hoping and wishing for that person
To call you and say
That they are thinking about you too
You keep so many of your feelings hidden
Afraid that they will make
The object of your affection
Run the other way
But you are stronger than I
You throw those words around without
Fear and without hesitation
You freely point out what you want to be yours
You are me
And I am him
But I am the weakest
Of the bunch
I wish that I could admit
That I want to get lost with him
And hide where only angels can find us
So that I won’t have to share him
Even on the days that I hope
To forget him
I want him to be my breeze
On a hot summer day
And tell him everything
Without a filter
Thoughts of
His beauty
And I forget myself
You, me, and him
You are truly the strongest
Out of all of us

i'm tired

I’m tired
I’m tired of the self, the inconsiderate,
And the intelligent clueless
I’m over those who think they are doing me a favor
By allowing me in their life
I’m tired
Of hearing “I told you how it was from the jump”
Honesty means nothing if your heart is not in it
Just because you confess to a crime
doesn’t mean you did not commit a crime
I’m tired of people who can dish it out but can’t take it
Those who don’t seem to realize that they are living their life
in a pattern
And can’t see the fire through the smoke
I’m tired of those whose words
Don’t coincide with their actions
I’m tired of wondering and guessing
And being left in the dark
I’m tired of the spineless
When faced with the truth can’t live up to it
And those who
Expect everyone else to be cool with they are doing
Because they are happy with what they are doing
I’m tired
I quit

Do you see me?

I stand
Always in the same spot
Ready
Whenever you are
And I wonder
If you even see me
Or if I am clone of the others that surround me
And if I can be easily replaced
I’ve written it on the walls
And placed in the clouds
Worn them on my sleeve
Held my tongue in hopes of stopping myself from saying too much
But I continue to stand in the shadows
Unseen
Unnoticed
Unheard
Wondering how much longer will it be
Until it’s my turn