thoughts

I wish that you could see
What I see
When I look at you
How beautiful I think you are
And the way
I can watch you
For hours in silence
Without
A break
I wish you could feel
How I feel
When I see you
And think about you
The cravings and longings
That run through my body
The desires I put to sleep
Because I only want you
To touch me, hold me, devour me
And see me in my most vulnerable
I hold fear in my heart
Because of the way you
Spin my head around
Without even trying
My life is always
Rush, rush, rush
I want my career right now
I want my degrees right now
I want my money right now
But when it comes to matters of the heart
My feelings and my emotions
I am patient
I am willing to wait for what I want
Until the time is right
All of these
Feelings I hide in my blog
And send through the mail
Hoping that you will see
While hoping that you won’t
sigh

the big chill

I’m laying in the dark
And despite the cool wind
Blowing outside
I’m in bed
On top of the covers
Stripped down

To nothing

Waiting for the a/c and fan

To come together
To cool me off
Like the ice scene from
Do the Right Thing
Thank God for elbows…
My body on fire
Longing
For your lips
Wanting just one more taste
Queenie throbbing
From neglect
Breasts tender
Remembering
My mind
Fantasizing
Caught under your spell
I’m trying so hard
To cool down
But my body
Just won’t let me

random

Silence is my favorite sound
My drugs of choice
Sleep and books
I can’t believe
that she is going to lose her first tooth already
and that she’s going to high school
next year
the two beats of my heart
they are why I am still here
I can’t get over lonestar
And rae stung me twice
My head knows better
But my heart doesn’t
Gas is going up again
You are right
I am an enigma lol
The harder I work
The more unappreciated I feel
Instead of drowning in 100 proof
Turn to Amy, Adele, and Duffy
Those ladies know how to feel
I could kiss you all day
My Monday night kids
I scream, yell, punish, threaten
Yet, they return every week
And as do I
They are why I am still here
Your hugs make me feel so warm
I need more time
I am and will ever be
A SOUTH Florida girl
But I think that it’s time for some new scenery
That expands beyond a week
Sometimes it gets so hard
Too much to carry
When will he realize
That our time has passed?
I’m a news junky
Thin mints are my favorite
You promised me
D and J…
Music to my soul
I’m enough
I love my vanilla crew
They can have fun in a paper bag
Whenever I see green….
I should be doing more
I should be doing better
I love my
Ace, deuce, and front
They always find me
I believe
I try
I remember
I wish could forget
I discovered
That I love the smell of berry stuff
you started calling me denece again
grumble
sigh
Work calls,
But sleep pulls

because i know that you read this...

All you can do is sit and wonder
What happened this time
Reliving every conversation
every interaction
every moment of silence
You try and reassure yourself
By saying
At least I wasn’t you know
At least….
But you know that in reality
That any piece of optimism
That you held onto
Has disappeared
And that your are left
Staring down into a
glass
that is now half empty
and
probably filled with something
100 proof
Wondering
What happened this time
With a blink of your eyes
The weather changed
From sunshine and white fluffy clouds
To grey skies and thunder storms
confusion runs a muck
There are more questions
Than answers
Still so much to be explained