waiting...just waiting

waiting...just waiting

with salt water on my face

not sure if its from my eyes or the ocean

felt like i had been treading those waters for years

after being thrown over board

i just knew it was going to come back

better than ever

waiting...just waiting

for someone to come by and throw me a life raft

waiting...just waiting

found one on my own floating by

and climbed aboard

took control of the paddles

after waiting....just waiting

i was tired, worn, weathered, all cried out

i just waited and waited

but i survived i saved myself

and came out stronger than ever

two-ness

living in a world of two-ness

there is no i

there is only us

we come as a package deal

when one achieves we all achieve

got one foot out the door

but trying to keep one hand on the knob

living in a world of two-ness

who else out there has to decide

who they are going to be everyday

trying to to find the balance between two worlds

in order to be

equally accepted in both

where does the loyalty lie?

trying not to give up one pass

to gain another

trying not to be too much of one thing

and not enough of the other

living in a world of two-ness

brown suga...

got that brown suga
it leaks out every time i open my mouth
leaves a trail when i walk
and i always leave a little behind with every touch
got some brown suga
that leaves them sitting on the edge of the seat
and breaking their necks
to see when its coming around the corner
brown suga that
can be your best friend
it makes your breath deepen
your pulse race
and places an instant smile on your face
at the thought of it
as your worst enemy
it leaves you awake at night
pacing the floor
trying to figure out when you're going to get
your next fix
it leaves a hunger that only
i can fill
a rare treasure
many seek
but only the chosen can have
oh that brown suga
that brown suga.....

heat so deep

See i got this thing inside of me trying to escape/i've kept it locked up for so long that i don't know what to do with it/it is a heat so deep that i can feel it in my sleep/not sure how much longer i can contain it/it has been begging to be set free i don't know how much longer i can ignore its calling/not sure how much longer i can ignore its need/i am afraid to unleash it because it may force me to lose my head/got this thing inside me producing a heat so deep/it consumes my mind/ takes over my thinking through out the day/it tries to boil over as i try to keep it as a simmer/this heat so deep wants to be breakfast lunch and dinner/it wants to be the first and the last/it can be addictive it can be hypnotizing/this heat so deep shortens my breath/it does something to me/turns me into someone else/makes me greedy and demanding/it lurks into dreams and leaves a longing for more/this heat so deep is something else...

i am not afraid of the truth
i actually embrace the truth
but the idea of saying the truth out loud...
making the words real...
it means living with the consequences of the truth
accepting the sleepless night
and allowing my head to be in the clouds
it means returning to a place
that before meant so much to me
revealing the truth means living through dreams
and resting my hopes on the stars
getting stuck on the
would be, should be, could be, and wanna be
the truth is a teaser that i dare not utter
because the truth is what i want
but what i know that i can not have.

like this...

not sure if i am ready to join up with you again
especially not like this...
you came back stronger than ever
you knocked me off my feet
normally i would welcome you
but like this...
i am trying to fight the pull you have on me
but i am only human
i am not afraid to say that you have been missed
but at the same time i am glad that you went away
i don't know if i can do this again
especially like this...
you feel good to me
fill me up and brighten my days
but you make me weak
distract me and make me lose my focus
you put a smile on my face and add a glow to my skin
but like this...
you worry me
and make me forget myself
you sometimes disappoint me
and like this...
you are going to drive me crazy
here you are so unexpected
why can't i have you on my terms
i was not prepared for you to arrive
like this...
why did you have to come back
especially like this...
you'll leave my heart aching
and missing its other half

simple times...

remember when it used to be so simple?
all it took were the words yes, no, maybe so
written on paper
when all love meant was
holding hands on the swings
kissing under the trees
passing notes in class
and "going" together
when did it lose its simplicity?
when we start letting the outside in
and letting others dictate our feelings?
bring back the days of writing letters to proclaim love
before relationships became carbon copies of bad rap songs
i'd take talib kweli's never been in love before and common's the light
over 50 cent's candy shop any day
when did it get so complicated
the process of liking and loving?
the respect for relationships are lost on the microwave generation
who want the now and don't think about the later
who allow anyone to trample over their souls
so that they can use up their bodies
who buy love instead of work for it
we've written love a dear john letter
and left it standing on an abandoned corner
without even a forwarding address
in order to settle for lust and the quick fix
the times of wanting, waiting, working, and courting
seem to be loss in the shadows
and to think that at one time-
paper and pen was once all it took...

look up

finally took the to time look up
and what did i find?
an unexpected surprise
something hidden around the corner
but in front of me every day
peeking my curiosity
making me ask questions
and turning my fingers numb
to get answers
i'm trying to read every word
before the page is turned
while at the same time
figure out the mysteries that lie beneath
all from one far away glance
and the exchange of a few words...

waiting for my number

standing in line
holding my number
waiting to be called
not just thinking about the now
but also about the later
tired of wondering when
is it going to be my turn
the hands on the clock
keep moving
but i remain in the same place
i feel like i'm watching
the world go around me
as i remain on pause....

it.

sometimes i have to ask myself

how did i get here?

i unexpectedly reclaimed something

i thought was lost

forever

but instead of embracing it

i'm running from it

i'm trying to convince myself that i'm not ready for

it

i'm not sure how to deal with it

because it did not get delivered the way that i expected

they say be careful what you ask for

because you just might get it

for a long time i thought that it wasn't possible

for me to ever get it back

i wasn't sure that i would ever welcome it back

got so used to living without it

i remember when i gave up on it

slammed the door on it

and tried to erase it from my life

started to resent it and what came with it

all i could see was what it didn't do for me

forgetting what it gave me

couldn't bare the thought that i

would never cross paths with it again

i don't want to depend on it

or turn to it

or find out that it isn't it at all

i want to hate it

be able to live my life without it

i'm afraid of it because

i know what it can do to me

but deep down i know

it is for me...