Sleepless Slumber

I used to say
Let me run to my sleep
Because at least there
My mind would be totally free
But some how
You have crept your way
Into my bed at night
Removing you from my dreams
Seems to be impossible
Please I beg of you
You can have my heart
But leave my mind alone

alice

I am too big to fit through the door

too small to reach the key on the table

the cat won't stop changing its mind

and the caterpillar won't stop

giving me unsolicited advice

the queen wants her roses painted red

but i only have white paint

and the hatter doesn't take me seriously

sometimes i think

that there is no way

to escape

this rabbit hole

snow white

I could say thank you for waking me up, but on days like this…I really wish that you would have just left me alone with that apple.

Y.O.U.

Blood boiling
Heart racing
Skin blazing
And all I can see is
You
Mouth watering
Body longing
Queenie throbbing
And all I crave is
You
Mind working
Dreams forming
Patience shortening
And all that I want is
You
Heart full
Arms empty
Soul peaceful
And all that I need is
You

a.m. thoughts

I am most definitely
Double fisting it this morning
A night of literally no sleep
Calls for reinforcements
Up all night tossing
And turning
Head and heart
Filled
Actually
Head and heart
Overflowing
Wondering, hoping, thinking, wishing
Praying
That all of this
Is just the foundation
To something more
Leading to something bigger
A future
Together
Trying to figure out
How to say
I know you gotta alotta shit going on right now
But I’on care
I just want to be with you
Be yours, hold your hand through this
Whatever this
May turn out to be
Not sure if
I can handle the alternative
I am too deep in it now
Too late to make my escape
Done running
Sitting and waiting
READY
Trying to figure out
What’s taking so long?
Patience is not one of my strong suits
It all seems so simple
You say you want me
And I know
That I want you
And
Everything that comes with you
You have me where
You’ve always wanted me

welcome home life

The thing about real life is
That it most often hits you
Unexpectedly
It stays away for so long that
When it appears
You automatically go into
Panic mode
Almost like you forgot how to function
You knew it was coming
Staring at you from the wings
And now that it is
Here
All you can do
It breathe into a
Paper bag
And face the music

unremember

I remember….
I shared something with you
That I kept so sacred
Close to my heart
Held on to like it was
Gold
But you made me feel
Safe
I knew it would be
Okay
For me to share it with you
I thought that I was
Special
But then
You and me
Became he and she
And they
Then you didn’t
Know me
And what we had
Shared
I felt forgotten
Ignored
And kept away
Embarrassed, hurt, humiliated
Disregarded
One of many
And I thought
That you forgot
You and me
So to you
I turned cold blooded
To hide
The pain, sadness, and my stupidity
I did everything that I could
To forget you
To forget
You and me
To unremember

ESCAPE

Sometimes there is nothing more that I want to do
Than escape
Escape from a job that is turning my brain into mush
Escape from school because it is holding me hostage
Escape from my mother’s four walls that I am much too large for
Escape from this city that limits me
Escape from my family that is sometimes forgets my role
Escape from my past that sometimes haunts me,
From my present that is never satisfied,
And from a future that seems like it will never get here
Escape from my body that is imperfect
Escape from my mind that over thinks everything
Escape from my heart that never listens to me
Escape from time because there is never enough
Escape from responsibility because I can’t live up to everyone’s expectations
Escape from plans because they stress me out
Escape from my life that sometimes feels like it is draining me…
of EVERYTHING
But alas I am stuck
With nowhere to run

wishes

I wish that i had you all to myself
Jump in front of the line
Of the world
And make you all mine
I wouldn’t tell anyone where we were
I would tell all problems that we’ve
Gone on a holiday
I wish I could stare at you
Study you and take in your scent
So that It would always be engraved in my memory
I wish that I could feel your chest vibrate
When you laugh
And see your eyes smile
I wish that you could hold me
And never let go
I wish that you could see
Directly into my heart
And find all of things
That I want to say
But can’t find the words to…

again

//And I will give you all I have/'Cause you gave me peace and joy again/Again, again/I was scared to let go and trust your love/After what I've been through I have had enough/Whisperin' through your eyes, you never said a word/But something said you're heart's safe/For me I've struggled all my life/To find that thing that makes it right/With you it seems I may have found/Some other kind of love//

Again by: J-Lo

never my turn

Jealousy lives within me
I have no problem admitting that
But I’ve never been the type to
Be jealous over tangible things
I’ve might have seen something
That someone else has
And thought to myself
Wow, that’s nice
But I’ve never lost sleep over it
I get jealous
Over my heart
I wonder why them and not me
I get jealous when I know
For a fact that
The other person is not half
Or even the quarter the woman that I am
I get jealous even after their done with them
But they still have left their mark
I get jealous when I think about what she had
And what she did not appreciate
Or know how to keep
I get jealous because I know
Had it been me
Things would have ended up differently for you
I get jealous because I think
That she’ll always have you in a way that
I won’t be able to…

all up in her feelings

Sometimes…
I hate these feelings
Because I feel that
They control me
More than I control them
But I admittedly I have missed them
They bring a sense of
Naiveté and innocence
Back to my life
They fill my heart
And make me feel like
Dreams really are possible
They make me confess
That I miss what we were
And how we began
They make wonder what if…
What if we hadn’t heard
What outsiders had to say
What if we only saw each other
What if we hadn’t gone
On our separate life journeys
Would it have take us this long
To get back to step one?

return of an old friend

Old friend you are back
Again
I thought we were done
And had officially parted ways
For the last time
All those months ago
But here you are
Once again
Casting your shadow
Over my heart
Making plans without my permission

more than half way there

It’s been a while
And I feel like I have been on a serious
Journey this year
To being over
I lost myself
Found myself again
And then found something
Else
That I thought was lost to me
Forever…
I can’t wait to read
The last page of this book
I call 2010
But time is no friend of mine
But at least
I am more than half way there