Sometimes something will happen
And for a moment I forget
Who you are
And why you are my favorite
And why no one else has earned that label yet
Admittedly that moment of amnesia
Makes me slightly
Happy
But then appeal of the eraser
Fades
Thoughts of you return
The feelings remerge
And I remember how you feel
It shows on my face

And it's often hard to hide

What you do

To me

Despite what may lie in between us
I know that you are never really that far away

i were a boy.

*I was inspired by Beyonce’s song “If I Were A Boy,” thing would be so different if I were.

If I were a boy
The truth would be optional
I’d sometimes tell you what you want to hear
You’d be the one wondering if you would ever be enough for me
I wouldn’t remember every taste, smell, every story, and touch
I’d tell you one thing
And do another
You’d be the one waiting
I’d be the one stringing you along
And I’d have others waiting in the wings
You’d be best friends with postal workers
And I’d be on the receiving end
If I were a boy
I’d be the selfish and inconsiderate one
I’d know that no matter how mad you got
And frustrated you may feel
That you would forgive me
And continue to give me your heart
If I were a boy
Your phone calls would go unreturned
I’d know that you weren’t going anywhere
I’d do me
While keeping a hand on you
I’d naturally assume
That you tell me everything
Never wondering if you were having your own doubts
I’d always know
That no matter how far away that I might go
That you would always welcome my return

time.

I can feel your eyes following me as I keep checking the time
And I wonder why am I even here
How did we get back here?
Why am I sitting here?
In this spot
That once meant so much to us
Where we shared so many special moments
As you tell me
Once again what I am doing wrong
Making your feelings the center of our conversation
You tell me how
You miss me
You need me
You feel far away from me
You ask me if I still love you
And why am I being so cold
When did I become so selfish?
I just stared at you
Trying to figure out
When was it that I was no longer enough?
I was everything that you asked me to be
Gave you my heart
Gave you my body
Gave you my loyalty
Gave you my time
And it was never enough
I loved you more than I loved myself
Made excuses for you
Told myself that things would get better
You ask me where my head is
Am I lonely?
Is there someone else?
Is that why I won’t give you my time?
I look at you
Forgiveness took up residence a long time ago
But still
I can’t forget
The round object that I tried to force into a square peg
The words you said
The things you forgot
How you made me feel
The things you did
The tears that were wasted
Before, after, and during
The life that I thought I had lost
The pain that I thought would never go away
The damaged goods that I thought I had become
And how I thought that my heart would never be open again
When did I become a second thought?
When did the novelty wear off?
I check the time one more time
As you tell me that you have changed
But all I can do is
Tell you that your time is up

cross roads.

Stuck between my heart
And my head
A place that leaves me lost
Without a map
Or any type of direction
Standing at a cross roads
Trying to figure out
Which direction to go
One keeps me safe
And makes
Things less complicated
The other
Is a mystery
That leaves my breathless
And gives me a rush
And leaves me afraid
Afraid of the possibility
Of repeating past experiences
Afraid of not going for it
Waiting for the next meeting
Despite the uncertainty
Hoping for the best
But preparing for the worst
Turned cold
In hopes
Of getting warm again
Longing for
Nights that will turn into days
Weekends that will turn into week days
Standing at a crossroads
Staring at a clock
That won’t let time pause
Long enough to let me make up my mind

he said/she said

She said do you love him?
He said why can’t you just forget him?
He doesn’t see you how I see you
He doesn’t want you how I want you
She said do you love him?
He said how have you forgotten me?
I knew you first
How can you let him replace me?
She said do you love him?
He said I should be your favorite
I want you now
And I am not going to make you wait
She said do you love him?
He said I see you falling for him more and more each day
How can he be your favorite?
When he does not see what he has in front of him?
How long will you remain on pause?
How long will you dream?
She said do you love him?
And I said I can’t.

the funk in my right

I wonder if there is a place for people like me
Sometimes wonder why I can’t get enough
I always want more than I can handle
And even after having all of that
I am stuck craving
More
The smell
The taste
The way it feels
The way it doesn’t speak
But says everything at the same time
And makes me forget where I am
At the moment
Makes me want to bathe in it
Sink all the way to bottom
So that I can soak it all in
I can’t forget
Even when I try not to remember
But still
It is
My muse
My Jones
My biggest mystery
My deepest dream

no we. no us.

What is there to think about?
If we aren’t a we
And there is no us
Why should I worry?
Why should I ask questions?
Who cares if I care?
Who cares if I listen?

What does it matter that I find your beauty

more than I can sometimes handle?
I am me
And you are you
Alone
So I don’t need to understand
Or need to spare your feelings
And
You can’t expect me to be patient

Or be there in the end
We want different things
We can’t hold hands
We can’t make plans
And I can’t get hurt
Right?