it is what it is

“…got my middle finger up, I don’t really give a f* *k…”
I think that part of me
Might be turning into something….
That I never wanted to
Something cold and untouchable
I’d be lying if I didn’t say
That you did not do a number on me
Put a dent in my optimism
Now, when I am asked
How can I go on like I do
Keep my separate heart from him
Not make a choice
I just say that I have had practice
Perfected no expectations
And got a PhD in the dirty looking glass
Stick and jab, stick and jab
Cover your head and keep moving…

tree.

Time to face facts
Actually this is not a new revelation
This has been going on
For far too long
I just had it pointed out to me out loud
In the worse way
The way that left me wondering if they were right
But I’d never tell them that they were
I’m in need of major weaning
Sometimes I wonder if I should just quit cold turkey
But if I do I’d be cutting out more than a portion of my heart
I’d be eliminating a friend
I know a decision has to be made soon
If I were talking to someone else in my situation
I’d tell hem to make a decision and stick to it
Decisions are just so….
FINAL
But I can’t detach myself
Honestly, part of me hates to give up
All of our raw and unfiltered honesty
My biggest fear is to make a clean cut
Right before my number got called

“It is like you were my favorite drug; problem is you were using me in a different way that I was using you….”

SEASONS by D. Lawrence

I feel the seasons everywhere
And I feel blessings in the air
Those seeds you have sown
You're gonna come into your own.
Seasons, walk into your season.
I feel seasons everywhere
I feel blessings in the air
Those seasons you have sown
You're gonna come into your own.
Seasons, walk into your season
Walk into your season.
I believe we're in a time when God's gonna bless the saints.
Those who have stayed,
those who have prayed
He's going to fulfill the promise He made.
For I heard the Spirit say, its your time.
The wait is over, Walk into your season.
I feel seasons everywhere. I feel blessings in the air.
Those seasons you have sown
You're gonna come into your own,
Seasons, walk into your season
Walk into your season I
know that you invested a lot
The return has been slow
You throw up your hands and say I give up
I just can't take it anymore.
But, I hear the Spirit say
That it's your time, the wait is over
Walk into your season
You survive the worst of times
God was always on your side
Stake you claim, write your name
Walk into this wealthy place.
The wait is over; its your time

because i know that you used to read this...

I know that I’m the one who played us
I used you
To help me get over the
One before you
I took you for granted
And
Put your feelings before my own
I wanted you to erase what he did to me
Help me forget
How much I really cared for him
I was never all in
But I led you believe that
I was
I just needed a place to rest my heart
For a while
I need to be taken of
I put everything on you
When my secret started to be exposed
I made you feel like it was your fault
That I couldn’t break through the wall
All the while knowing that your needs
Did not matter
And you were temporary
From the beginning
All I can say is
That I’m sorry

p.s. i love you

I love you
And it drives me crazy
What you do to me
The way my hearts jumps
When I see your name in my inbox
Or the way a goofy smile
Gets plastered on my face
When you name appears on my phone
Your smell, touch, hugs
I want them all to belong to me
My heart, mind, body
Are all yours for the taking
I love you
And you’ll probably never know it

mr. west is the building

//Bittersweet, you're gonna be the death of me/I don't want you, but I need you,/I love you and I hate you at the very same time/See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad/Never did this before, thats what the virgin said/We've been generally warned, thats what the surgeon says/God talk to me now this is an emergency//



Bittersweet: Kanye West

thoughts on my heart

Do you ever sit and wonder
How did I get here?
Back to a place that I thought I’d never be again
In limbo
Not sure of what to do
Trying to figure out
If I could put my expectations on hold
Sometimes a lesson learned
Is not always a lesson learned
Wondering if this is it for me
If this is all that is meant to be
Will I always prepped for the race
Committed to team
But never ever to reach the finish line
Forced to always sit on the bench