she, me, and her

i was there for her
she's filled me up
and she's let me down
but i stand by her
taking whatever she throws at me
no obstacle is too big
i've let others misuse her
she's hurt me
i've gone deaf to her
she's healed me
she's abandoned me
but i love her more than words can say
she's pushed me to the edge
she's encouraged me
i've forgotten her
she always remembers me
she's lied to me
but i've never turned my back on her
she's believed in me
and stood in my corner
when everyone else left me stranded
i've placed others before her
she's cried with me
and has broken my heart
no matter how far i may go
she always welcomes me back home
she always knows what i should do
i've cursed her
and wished that she would go away
she's me best friend
and my worst critic
Some days she's all i've got in the world
i've needed her
i try to hide from her
but she always waits for me in the mirror...

that thing that beats within

it's not hard

it's not cold

it day dreams

it patiently waits

and makes plans

it sometimes gets ahead of itself

it sometimes feels damaged beyond repair

it's not distant

nor

is it impossible to conquer

it's not a huge mystery

it's been hurt

it has been healed

it's been saved

and given a second chance to live

it gets nervous

and sometimes feels unsure

it sometimes seems empty

it likes to think that it is worth waiting for

it's cautious

it's brave

but sometimes misses having a twin

it holds the truth

it possesses a confidence that is sometimes only surface deep

it hide fears

and holds wishes

that thing that beats within me

can be confusing

but is always clear about what it wants

and what it needs...

complicated simplicity

i just don't get it
why i have to take the long way around
instead of the short cut that has been laid out in front of me
things would be so much easier
if i didn't stop thinking rationally when...
if i didn't want more
if i didn't desire that spark
and that instant smile didn't come across my face when...
why can't i just work with what i got
work with what is lined up and is ready for me
all the simplicity i posses goes out the door when...
i thought i knew better
but i know what i want
and i know what i need
but when simplicity has been complicated
by my desires
i have to ask myself...
what am i really doing?

Benedict Arnold

we had a plan

you and i

i thought that we were going to stick with it

but you betrayed me

yes a Benedict Arnold you are

you left me without my consent

and ran to another

i thought that you were mine to keep

never to share again

once was enough for me

but you chose to go out again

you were mine

only meant for me

it's not fair

God made you for me

but now you want another

my heart...

how could you do this to me again?

it doesn't kill you

yes there were days that i thought

i wasn't going to make it

when i just rolled over in bed

my soul no longer belonged to me

and my heart was shattered

into a thousand pieces

the blinds stayed closed shut

mail remained unopened

and phone calls unanswered

it felt like the heartache

was going to over take me

being alone with my thoughts

in the silence was deafening

looking for distractions

got tired of hearing other people's advice

as i hid away

held hostage by my own pain

waiting for the end to come

then one day i woke up

took a breath

re-entered life

and realized that it doesn't kill you