ELNORTSA

“…my presence is a present…” --- Kanye “Monster”

I’ve been trying to treat my presence like a present
Cherish it
Because I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring
But my past
Has slowly crept up on me
Things that I am contemplating
Revisiting
Things that I used to have the
“Been there done that”
Mentality about
Things…people….
Who I’ve thought had had their chance
…their season
That I’d grieved over, mourned over, buried, and let go

Things that I thought

I no longer wanted

Sigh

RANT

Why do people give me such a hard time
When they ask me how I am doing
And I respond “fine” or “okay”?
They give me
“Oh, it has to be more than that!!”
Umm not really
Sometimes that’s all it is
Nothing more, nothing less
It is possible for a person to just be feeling
Mediocre
Or when people ask me how I am feeling
And I ask them if they REALLY was to know
They say yes
And I respond “Fat”
They look at me strangely and say
“You aren’t fat!”
I thought that they just asked me how I was FEELING
Not what I was literally
Or when people say
“I haven’t heard from you in a while”
Well, I haven’t heard from you either,
Last time I checked the phone/computer works both ways
Or when a person says “you aren’t talking”
Could it possibly that I have nothing to say?
There are more than enough people in the world spitting out absolute nonsense
I’d rather not contribute to the world’s noise pollution
Or when a person…okay a MAN
Expresses himself, says what he’s gonna do, where his head is and blah blah blah
And then when you don’t respond or just simply say "cool"
They question your response and/or lack of response
Really?!
What is my response supposed to do besides start an unnecessary argument?
Because it certainly isn’t going to change their mind
OR when people question why I don’t have a relationship status on facebook
The people who need to know my status know and if you want to know just ask
Who I spend my non-facebook time with is not the world’s business
Ya dig?
People sometimes….
I tell you!

doesn't matter

I used to want to go toe to toe with you
Line for line
Word for word
Plead my case
Express my feelings
Put it all on the table
Over and over gain
Until you could see
Why I was so passionate about it
But now I just ask myself
Why do I even bother?
My crying, screaming, and pleading
Aren’t going to change your mind
You are not going to wake up and see things through my eyes
All of a sudden
I’m not going to waste my breath
Begging you to go along with my plan
Maybe there is a part of me that has given up
Maybe there is a part of me that finally realizes,
That it is what it is
Maybe there is a part of me that no longer cares
Maybe there is a part of me that knows,
That not matter what,
You are going to do what you want to do
No matter what I say or how I feel
Maybe there is a part of me knows that
It really is your world
And I am just another character in the play of your life
Maybe I finally see that everything
Is based on your time, wants, and needs
Who knows?
All I know is that really and truly
My opinion…
Doesn’t matter

task at hand

….just trying to hold on to myself these days…

fork in the road

I have never been so uncertain about things in my life
A journey started in 2007 could soon be over and my next steps are up in the air
Where I want to be and how I want to get to do what I want to do…
I have not a clue
Things that I want…
Even the ones that are within my grasp
I am not sure that I can have
…will ever have
Things that I let go of
Thought that I had left in the past
And no longer wanted
I wonder if they have a place in my present or my future
Sometimes I feel like I know everything and nothing at the same time