it.

sometimes i have to ask myself

how did i get here?

i unexpectedly reclaimed something

i thought was lost

forever

but instead of embracing it

i'm running from it

i'm trying to convince myself that i'm not ready for

it

i'm not sure how to deal with it

because it did not get delivered the way that i expected

they say be careful what you ask for

because you just might get it

for a long time i thought that it wasn't possible

for me to ever get it back

i wasn't sure that i would ever welcome it back

got so used to living without it

i remember when i gave up on it

slammed the door on it

and tried to erase it from my life

started to resent it and what came with it

all i could see was what it didn't do for me

forgetting what it gave me

couldn't bare the thought that i

would never cross paths with it again

i don't want to depend on it

or turn to it

or find out that it isn't it at all

i want to hate it

be able to live my life without it

i'm afraid of it because

i know what it can do to me

but deep down i know

it is for me...