back at start

Preparing to go out
And give another one a chance
Feeling guilty because I know the truth
He’ll end up like the others
Left with unfulfilled promises
Of returned phone calls
And second outings
Despite my many attempts not to
Stand him up next to you
I’ll try to erase you for the evening
Remembering why I am there in the first place
I’ll stare at him while he talks
Studying his face
And ask myself if I could see myself kissing him
Laugh at his jokes
And try not to make a face while he tries to impress me
With things that he knows absolutely nothing about
Wondering if I could enjoy him in silence
And if I’ll fit under his arm
And when he asks me where my mind is
I’ll lie and tell him I’m thinking
About how good of a time that I am having
I’ll try not to make it obvious
That I don’t want him touching my braids
And pretend that I don’t mind him holding my hand
I’ll keep reminding myself
Where I stand
And that I have to move on
Try to let go
But still
The buzz will only last for the night
And tomorrow I’ll be back
Where I started