now what?

maybe i made it all up/i do have a tendency to get ahead of myself sometimes/but this part time, distant, sometime thing was starting to get to me/but now things are upside down/ words don't match actions, words don't match other words, and actions don't reflect other actions/so now i am stuck at crossroads/ and i am left with the question: now what?/ do i stick around and let this thing play out?/ in hopes that things turn out right on the other end?/ should i let optimism out weigh my realism/or do i cash out right now, taking what it was with me/in hopes that i can quickly get over yet another disappointment/do i want to use this experience to become zipless?/ my heart has hardened because of selfishness, inconsistency, and uncertainty/can i march on knowing that i am tired of putting myself out there only to get let down in the end?/ my soul is tired and my heart is weak from this never ending race/i feel like i am running backwards/ constantly unable to get to the finish line/ so now what?